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1. If you use a hose to clean the inside and the outside
2. When the best route from point A to point B is through the rock pile or over the mountain
3. When a scratch or a dent is a beauty mark
4. You roll it over and don't get upset
5. Your mom and sister can't get in without help
6. You judge every hill you see by how much fun it would be to climb
7. You puke when you see a RAV4
8. You get custom pin-striping from trail brush
9. When a low-rider Jeep pulls up next to you and you get out and bitch-slap the driver
10. If it takes more than 6 hours to get donuts
11. When you pull into the unplowed parking spots on snowy days
12. When you take your friends wheeling and they say "What trail -I don't see a trail!"
13. When you've been forced to add TJ, CJ, YJ and XJ to your spell-checker
14. When you can see OVER a Suburban
15. You carry emergency supplies and clothing because you never know where you will end up
16. When your Nerf bars battle rocks and win
17. When it rains and you don't care that your tops and doors are off
18. When you drive around to look at Christmas lights topless
19. When you change your plugs in the parking lot at work on a break
20. If your "Parts Dept." is on blocks behind your house
21. When you take your Mom wheeling and she has to help you flip the Jeep back onto its wheels, again
22. You use an ice-scraper on the INSIDE of the windshield
23. You get more heat from holes in the floorboards than through the heater vents
24. Every page of your repair manual has greasy fingerprints
25. Passengers scream "DON'T ROLL IT!" when you take them wheeling
26. You spend more time under your Jeep than under your significant other
27. Winter comes and your can't remember where you left the roof
28. You spend more on car washes than on insurance
29. Even worse the car wash won't let you in
30. You fix almost everything yourself
31. When you feel sorry for someone in a $60,000 Toyota Land Cruiser
32. When you have all your credit card numbers memorized
33. When you slam the door and chunks of dried mud crumble to the ground
34. If you get asked to pick up your co-workers in a snowstorm and get paid for it
35. You are the only one on the street who doesn't plow their driveway
36. You try to run the plow trucks off the road when it snows heavily
37. You can't hear your $200 stereo over the howl of your tires on the highway
38. You have a high-water mark INSIDE the Jeep
39. Any tire that isn't waist high looks like a bagel
40. You can't sneak into church late because the engine is too loud.
41. You carry along enough tools to supply a small garage
42. You nickname your Jeep after the noises it makes or it's most damaging trail accident
43. You carry along a replacement part for every drive component on the Jeep
44. You can air up your tires without stopping at a gas station.
45. You know how to reinforce the windshield frame near the wiper arm
46. You're constantly getting passed on the highway.
47. Your wallet is always empty.
48. When your boss's secretary calls to "recommend" that you wash your Jeep
49. When you finally wash the mud off, everyone thinks you bought a new Jeep
50. Your nickname at work is "JEEP"

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